No one wants to work for Jekyll and Hyde
Why consistency matters
Let me tell you about the worst leader I ever worked with.
Sometime this person was lovely. They would stop by my desk for a chat and ask about my weekend. They would smile and joke in meetings. They'd be enthusiastic about what the team was doing.
Other days this person was not lovely. They would criticise in public, put people down in meetings and send everything back saying it wasn't good enough. They would be angry and defensive if they thought you were questioning them.
Whilst this wasn't much fun, I genuinely believe it would have been easier to cope with this if they were like that all the time. At least I would have known what I was walking into each morning. As it was, you never knew what sort of reaction you were going to get.
Not knowing what to expect from one day to the next caused anxiety. It put the whole team on edge. No one was delivering their best, because no one felt safe. We all spent as much time trying to preempt and second guess our leader as we did doing the actual work.
I was reminded of this by an article I read this week from Dr Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. He's considered something of a "happiness expert", and focuses on how relationships affect our mental and physical health.
He explained that multiple studies have shown that "ambivalent" relationships - those that are sometimes supportive and sometimes demeaning - are much more detrimental to our wellbeing than relationships that are consistently negative.
In other words, it’s more difficult to cope with someone who is sometimes nice and sometimes not, than with someone who is always awful.
It’s the constant switching and not-knowing that affects our mental health. The relationship is toxic because we can’t trust the other person.
Which makes sense, because consistency and reliability are such a big part of what builds trust.
So if you want to be a good leader I whole-heartedly believe you have to be consistent. Let people know what they can expect of you and then deliver it - day in, day out. Even when you are tired or stressed.
You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to always be the biggest ray of sunshine in the office. But people need to know what they can expect from you.
It is the only way to earn trust and respect. And it will do wonders for your team's wellbeing, too.
Want to be a better leader?
I talk about the importance of consistency and authenticity in my online course How to Lead and Develop Your Team.
I also cover:
How to motivate your team
How to make sure the work gets done
How to build a team, not just a collection of individuals
How to give effective feedback
How to support people who are struggling
How to look after yourself
It consists of about 70 minutes of recorded materials broken into manageable chunks you can complete at your own pace, as well as written materials you can refer back to and keep.