Trust, judgement, understanding and knitwear
Things I've learned watching The Traitors
Happy new year!
For me, January is not a month of new resolutions and goal-setting (I prefer September for that). January is about hunkering down and being kind to yourself.
And this year it’s also about The Traitors.
This brilliant TV show feeds my fascination with how people interact and work together – it’s watching culture, communication and collaboration in practice from the comfort of my sofa.
So I couldn’t help but share three lessons we could all learn from the show.
No spoilers, and read on even if you’re not watching as they definitely apply to real work too.
Lesson 1: Building trust is straightforward
The smart Traitors focus on building trust fast. In fact, they do this more quickly and effectively than the Faithfuls, because they recognise how crucial it is to their success.
And what this shows is that, with a bit of effort, building trust is really not that difficult.
Trust is built on people feeling that you are working for the group, or the greater good, rather than in your own self interest.
Be reliable (contribute to the challenges), be credible (tell the truth as much as possible) and build intimacy (ask people about themselves not their theories about the game).
Relationships are built on trust, so this is a crucial first step for any game or project.
Lesson 2: Don’t be too quick to judge people, especially those outside your ‘group’
In Humankind, Rutger Bregman argues that humans are built to work in groups and that we instinctively want to help each other out. However, he also recognises that this tendancy can lead to us extending more loyalty to “people like us” than people we perceive as part of another ‘group’.
At a micro scale, like in a workplace or a Scottish castle, this can mean we are quick to form bonds with people we recognise we have things in common with – be it our roles, our interests, our backgrounds or even our Myers-Briggs profile.
We are drawn to people we can make sense of quickly, so we can move faster into deeper connection.
It’s understandable, but it could mean we miss out on other valuable connections or make the wrong call. We might banish someone who is on our team, or take someone’s side when they’re in the wrong just because they’re “one of us”.
Take the time to talk to everyone, give everyone a chance and be willing to change your mind. Your greatest allies might not be the obvious ones.
Lesson 3: Don’t assume everyone thinks and acts like you would
The Round Table discussions are absolutely fascinating. There’s plenty to unpick there, but one thing I often spot (and which drives me mad) is how people will misjudge others simply because they are not reacting or behaving in the way that they would.
In NLP we say that “the map is not the territory”. This simply means that the way we see the world is not the only way it can be viewed. There isn’t a right way or a wrong way, we all just make sense of what’s going on based upon our values, beliefs and previous experiences.
Someone behaving in a way that you wouldn’t isn’t a sign that they’re being dishonest or wrong, it’s just a sign that they are different from you.
Taking the time to understand other people’s ways of communicating and reacting can be invaluble to understanding what is really going on. It’s essential if you want to successfully work together as a group.
There is also an important lesson about the importance of excellent knitwear, but maybe that’s one for another time.
If you’re watching the show, I’d love to know what you think. Let me know in the comments if there are any lessons I’ve missed.
Ways to work with me in 2024
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