All about "armour"
What drives difficult behaviour?
Are there certain behaviours you observe in others (and maybe yourself) that just make working together more difficult than it needs to be?
That person who insisits everything has to be absolutely perfect or there’s no point doing it?
That person who rolls their eyes and says they’ve seen it all before?
That person who’s never got a nice word to say about anyone?
What’s going on?
The writer and researcher Brene Brown1 identifies these behaviours as a form of “armour”. They are defensive behaviours that we put on to protect ourselves when we feel vulnerable.
Most of Brown’s work focuses on the idea of vulnerability - of stepping into the unknown and admitting that we don’t have the answers.
Being vulnerable and admitting that you feel vulnerable is scary. Most of us instinctively shy away from it.
Many of us will put on “armour” to avoid showing our vulnerability, or to try and protect ourselves from those who might see it.
Armour refer to certain behaviours that we present to the world in order to hide our vulnerabilities.
A lot of the difficult behaviour we encounter is on that list, including:
Perfectionisim
Competitiveness (the “false dichotomoy of crush or be crushed”)
Cynacisim
Using power to put others down
Trying to control others
Attaching productivity to self worth (the busier you are the more valuable you are)
Criticising others
Being risk averse (including not tolerating differences of opinion)
Brene Brown’s work tends to focus on recognising and changing these behaviours within yourself.
But there is also a huge value in learning to recognise these behaviours in others, and to recognise them as a form of armour.
Because then you can think about strategies to tackle the vulnerability, or fear of vulnerability, rather than just the behaviour.
What can you do to help them feel safer?
Crucially, remember that the behaviour is not about you - it’s about them.
If you are interested in Brene Bown’s work on leadership then Dare to Lead is a brilliant place to start.